Form-lettered...

A couple days ago, I posted a customer service help request I submitted to Chase Online regarding their online prequalification process. In other words.... it didn't work. I'll admit I took a bit of artistic license with the help request. Today I got form lettered. The issue I had with the website goes unaddressed, and I've decided maybe JPMorganChase really doesn't want my business. Apparently, their "Highest level of Quality Service.", is giving me a couple of phone numbers I already had, and believe it or not, dialed, before attempting the online pre-qualification... I was told repeatedly by a very nice recorded voice that my call was very important to them, or some such, and to please continue holding... yeah.. I hung up after five minutes,

,

Anyway, full response is below.

Dear Michael Jordan:

I am writing in response to your recent inquiry regarding
a purchase of a home. We apologize for any online issues
you encountered.

Please contact 1 of our Chase Loan Officers who will be
able to assist you with your questions and will be able to
help you with the preapproval process, please call
1-866-712-1283.

If you would prefer for a Loan Officer to call you, please
provide your best contact phone number.

Chase is committed to providing the highest level of
quality service. If you have questions about your current
mortgage, please contact Customer Care at 1-800-848-9136.

We appreciate your business and value our relationship
with you.

Thank you,
Chase Online Inquiries

I made a mistake today. I attempted to deal with Corporate America today without taking my daily dose of Fukitol (tm), Here is the result...

Dear Chase.com Customer Service:

In attempting to see what sort of home loan I could qualify for, I encountered a problem that could frustrate, infuriate, cause current account holders to fall into seething, frothing fits of rage. The first couple of steps are easy and trouble-free. Then comes the question "Are you a current account holder?" and "Do you have a User ID?" I said yes to both, because I am and I do. I entered them both and my password when asked, and I was redirected to a log in page. I logged in.

 Again.

Then I was taken to my main accounts page. No prompt to continue the pre-qualification process, just

 "Here's your accounts,Yo!"

I figured I screwed up somewhere. so I tried again, reading all instructions with great care. I followed the steps. "Your accounts, Good Sir!" Said your responsive and efficient database.

Again, I assumed the problem was on my end. I read carefully, followed directions and once again. "Yeah...your accounts. Why do you keep logging in?"

Okay, I made that last bit up, nor do I believe your servers talk to me, but if prequalifying is this frustrating, I'd rather find a large rock and pound my head against it until I've hollowed out a domicile from it, or more likely, rent forever, than pursue a Home Loan.

Please, tell me all home lenders aren't like this? Or is it like admittance to a Buddhist Monastic Order? Do I need to log in for 3 days and night before I'm allowed to see if I prequalify? This is my first time buying a home and the whole process is foreign to me.

Help me, JPMorganChase, you're my only hope. (Well, not really, but as banks go you seem less evil than most)

Sincerely,
--Mike Jordan

Yes, this is a nearly exact copy of the email I sent to chase.com's customer service team, I made a few formatting changes, and added the pictures, because, well, refer to the frog. The automated system promised a reply in two business days. We'll see. Or Must I really repeatedly log-in for three days and nights?